Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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