If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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