if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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