Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
