Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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