i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
