I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
