I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
