If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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