so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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