Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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