pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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