I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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