what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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