she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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