he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
