That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
