Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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