if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
