Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
