I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You are the jesus of drinking
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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