I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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