i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
