you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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