break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
