CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
