I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
