fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
