She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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