there's paper in my vomit.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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