some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
