Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
