I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize