I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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