It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
