Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
