I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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