remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
