what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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