i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
