A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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