We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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