she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
