Umm I'm too high to move.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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