i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
