the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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