I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
