so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
