if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
