i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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