me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
