If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
