He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
