I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
