MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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