Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
