I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
