You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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