You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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