Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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