she kept yelling 'call me bella'
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
