I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my sisters under your porch take her home
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
