I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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