im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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