i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
